20 years later, I still have dreams of my best friend as if she hadn’t died

My best friend died in 1996. More than 20 years later, I still have dreams where she’s alive. For the first 10 years or so, it was very disorienting. I would wonder for a few days if maybe they could be true. At that time, the dreams were about how there was some kind of mistake, or conspiracy, and she wasn’t really dead.

These days, I don’t have them as often, but when I do, they are usually some random activity, but she’s there. It can still be a little disorienting when I wake up. But I like to think that it’s as if her spirit is just trying to spend a little time with me, sharing an experience in my dreams, that we can’t have, while I’m awake.

Having my best friend die when I was so young definitely impacted my life trajectory. I am sure it contributes to my morbid tendancies. I definitely only write so much poetry becuase my pain over her loss and my teacher’s suggestion catapulted me into it. Once I had been writing poems, and writing to her for a couple of years, writing and being a poet just became a part of me.

Would I have written so much poetry, if she had lived? Would I have been so interested in psychology, if I hadn’t needed to work through my own grief? I wish I kept a journal of my dreams of her. I wonder if, if I could review them, those dreams would tell thier own story. Has she been influencing me through my subconscious somehow? Like an invisible angel on my shoulder, an extra consciousness, or perspective, that whispers advice when I need it? I’d like to think so, but I regret that I didn’t journal my dreams.

So if you have dreams about your best friend who died, please write them down in a dream journal. If you get several years worth, I’d love to help you analyze it and see if we can identify any themes, patterns, or messages in your journal. I did end up going after this PhD in Psychology, afterall!

How Poetry Helps the Grieving Process When You Lose A Loved One

There are very few moments in life that can be as painful as those that force us to overcome the loss of a loved one. This is a process that we all have to experience at some point in our lives, but learning how to deal with this unavoidable situation is very important.

Some people try to cope in ways that are more harmful than good, while others don’t seem to be able to get through the grieving process and they get stuck in a loop of emotional pain.

Poetry can bring peace to a troubled mind.

When we lose someone, we experience an emotional rollercoaster. We feel angry, abandoned, confused, and angry. These are all emotions that we have to deal with, and we need to view them as part of a phase. Unfortunately, some individuals are unable to move past that phase and this can be very damaging to our mental health.

Poetry has the power of soothing and comforting us when we need clarity in our lives. When our reasoning is clouded by emotions, we tend to let those emotions dictate how we behave and how we think. You can see poetry as a way to shine a light in your path during those dark moments.

Famous poets have chosen their words carefully to let their readers understand their sorrow and to help them see that we all share the same emotional pain at some point in life. Poetry offers wisdom that allows us to free our hearts and minds in order to heal and move forward.

Final thoughts

The power of poetry is still unknown by many, but grief and sorrow are the trigger that leads people to discover the power of words. The more you learn to utilize the power of poetry to help you in your grief release process, the easier it is for you to overcome emotional distress. A few suggestions for how you can do this, now include the following 3 tips for how to get help through poetry and writing after someone you love has died.

  1. Read poetry about losing a loved one, such as My Best Friend Died, by Alice Vo Edwards. When you read poetry about others sharing their emotions about encountering a similar circumstance to yours, such as losing a best friend who has died, or a loved one, this may help you to deal with your own emotions.
  2. Write your own poetry. Even if you’ve never written a poem in your life, science has shown that writing about our feelings and emotions can be a helpful way to express our grief, and release some of the tension and stress that our bodies build up, when we are grieving after having lost a best friend or loved one. If you’re not sure how to start writing poetry, you can read other people’s poetry, such as My Best Friend Died, which is a collection of poems that the author, Alice Vo Edwards, wrote, from her experiences of loss over 20 years. This was initially inspired from losing her best friend, to death, in a sudden and traumatic instance.
  3. Find grief release writing support groups. Based on the science showing the power of writing and grief release, Alice has personally hosted live grief release writing support groups and has found that those who attend gain a lot of benefit from attending and participating, especially if they are new to writing, to encourage them to write more.